Sunday, October 9, 2011
I think just recently over the last couple of weeks I can finally feel the deep hazy fog rolling away from my brain. My son is 16 months old and I didn't suffer from post partum depression that I could define. I was able to care for myself and my son. I was able to lead my life but what I didn't have was a clarity in my mind. I think some of that mental fog can be attributed to sleep deprivation and the stunning reality of being a mother. I now love being a mother and all of the minute details that encompass the experiences. I often feel as if I am following my "gut" or my "heart" most of the time and my brain lags behind trying to catch up. This lack of control leaves me with a sense that I'm floating through each day on auto pilot. I could compare it to a ship at sea and there is no one at the wheel steering the ship. This sense of being in a fog each and every day was near impossible to describe to anyone. Now that the fog is lifting I wonder what it is that has changed. Maybe some of it is more adult conversation and maybe some of it is just the passing of time. What I do know is that I'm glad the constant fog is lifting and I'm starting to feel more like myself.