A moment in my day

 

This afternoon I decided to go out to pick up two items at two different stores. This was going to be a quick outing and something my son and I have done many times before. As we were standing in line at the tile to purchase the first item on our list. My almost 3 year old son did something he hasn’t done before and it scared me. My sweet curious boy bolted, he ran like he was being chased. My son who loves to play and cuddle with mom and dad he ran from our spot inline. I had a moment to react I left the money and laundry soap on the counter and ran after my son. Fortunately I was quickly able to catch him despite the fact that he was sprinting around corners and agile like a jack rabbit. I caught him and scooped him up in my arms. I gave him a kiss and quietly told him that we don’t run away from mom and dad in the store. I returned to our spot inline and paid for our purchase needing to fish out more coins from my pocket. My wiggly son at my feet ready to run some more.

I know this game of chase lasted less then thirty seconds yet the bright colours of the store and my son just in front of my is etched in my mind and I still have a slight butterfly in my stomach. When we got to the car I quietly spoke to my son again repeating that we don’t run from mom and dad in the store and his response was that he was playing a funny game. My sweet innocent son saw no harm in running in that moment. He loves to run and I think we may head outside into the early spring sun and cool wind and do just that.

Between My Ears (volume 2)

 

As I put my son to bed I was planning out this blog post after he was asleep I opened up Windows Live Writer and added the heading for the blog post. Then I hoped over to Facebook and Google reader to procrastinate on typing what I had planned out.

Really the title of the blog post means that I am going to do a “brain dump” of all the things that are going on in my mind. I would like to think that I am a great writer and my thoughts are cohesive and are  a wonderful read. I can dream right?

I have had some health issues off and on for almost two years. I have seen my family doctor and a couple specialists and have had numerous tests all with out a diagnosis or answers to what is going on. Over the last three weeks I have had a raised, red angry and often weeping rash. On my face, neck, hand and leg. It is extremely itchy and uncomfortable. The only relief is using a topical steroid cream which comes with its own limitations. It has now been suggested that I see an allergist in another city and that will take several months before an appointment time is available. My other options are oral drugs which I am not enthused over at all. I am physically on the mend today although continue to feel frustrated and disappointed that my situation has not found a healthy resolution.

(ooops got distracted and checked on Facebook)

In February I achieved a long term goal of my art being accepted into more local shops. As of today I am now supplying 4 shops with my boxes and pens. I have sold 6 boxes and 3 pens that I am aware of. Sadly my muse has gone on holiday and I am lacking motivation and inspiration to create more items. I am feeling pressure instead of encouragement to create. I will need to move past that very soon and get creating. I am thrilled my boxes and pens are selling yet I am shocked as it has taken a few years to get to this point and now that I am there the realization that I have obligations to fill with my art is stifling the creativity. At the moment I am tired of my flowers and starfish and am yearning for a new theme and design. I have spent time browsing online for inspiration and am still searching.

My son is quickly growing towards his 3rd birthday in May. Time has truly flown by. There are moments when he still seems like my wee baby but most of the time he is a fast moving wee boy who loves to run, twirl and play with his cars, trucks and trains. He hardly sits still long enough to eat and at the end of the day is so tired he quickly falls asleep with out thought of what is come in the morning. I think that is the real meaning of “sleeping like a baby.”

Weekly Play date for Mom and Son

 

When I found out I was pregnant with my son 3 years ago I soon found out that an acquaintance was also pregnant and our due dates were with in days of each other. Soon we began to spend more time together enjoying walks and play dates with our newborns. Our play dates have evolved over the last two and a half years. During fall and winter we meet at our friends home and the two toddlers attempt to play together and then they settle in along side each other playing with different things. Last spring we would meet at a local park or play in the backyard and enjoy the outdoors.

While the children play the two moms spend time chatting. The topics of conversation varies from Friday to Friday although truthfully I don’t think the topics are as important as the companionship is. We have now been having these very casual play dates for long enough that we are comfortable together no matter the moods or level of energy the four of us are feeling.

I always leave each of these Friday gatherings feeling calm, refreshed and recharged. It doesn’t matter if the kids have been screaming and we only had a few minutes to visit. This weekly get together with another mom who has similar views on parenting and is a great person all around is a high light of the week. 

 

Long and Winding Thoughts

 

Last week Pete and I realized that my truck was in urgent need of some maintenance . We took the truck in for an assessment and found out it needed 4 new tires as one was separating from its self, 4 new brakes as all 4 breaks were down to 10% with normal replacement occurring at 15% and the heater was also not working. Add to this the work we had done on the house by an electrician we spent almost $3000 in one day. We had some funds in savings and the rest well Mr. Visa got a work out. This difficult day led to a family decision.

Before I had our son 2.5 years ago I was working with the school district and had accumulated almost 9 years of seniority. I took my 1 year of maternity  leave and then haven’t returned to work full time choosing to work on call. Truthfully I have worked a handful of days barely enough to receive a paycheque. We have decided that I will work two days a week. As I said I have enough seniority that I could work every day of the week if I choose to. Right now two days a week is enough I have worked two days this week and am feeling worn out. My mom has agreed to come and spend those two days a week with my son. Grandma has a wonderful time and so does Saylor. Ana (aka my mom) says that Saylor will ask a couple times during the day where I am but is reassured by being told that Mom and Dad will return and he carries on playing.

I have really struggled with returning to work. I feel guilty at work being away from my son and I feel guilty at home not contributing financially to our lives. I have been thinking about the sense of guilt over the last few days and am trying to reframe or reset my thinking. I am fortunate and grateful that I can work and that Ana is available when we need her therefore saving the cost of day care and allowing me to bring money into our budget. I know Saylor is being well cared for by his loving Ana and she is filled with joy by being around him. It is a winning situation. I did have to reset my thinking as my thoughts about the public school system now that I am a parent are less then stellar. I think I have been able to do that and can now accept my work calls and enjoy my days away from home knowing that contributing financially lifts some of the burden from Pete’s broad shoulders.

I have a friend who I met recently she happens to be 11 years my junior with two children a boy who is 4 and a girl who is almost 2. Her husband was unjustly fired around Christmas. She has been brave and strong and she seems to be doing very well despite the situation they are in. They have started a small business and have hit a few bumps along the way and despite following all leads and chasing the work nothing has come in for them yet. With inspiration like that I didn’t it was easier to reform my thoughts and be grateful that I can take on as much work as suits our family. I admire her strength and resilience!

All of these thoughts have been banging around head and heart for several days I knew I needed to write them down and clear some mental clutter. I feel a little lighter and it will be easier to sleep tonight knowing that I can go to my job make money, be away from my son who will in his home with his loving Ana and contributing to our budget. I’m off to bed with happy thoughts.

Time to Reset

 

As 2012 winds down many of us review the year some of us will take time to write resolutions, goals, objectives and desires for the year to come. I have rarely written New Year’s resolutions and certainly never followed through with the resolutions I did record. This season I am pondering the word reset.

I have several areas in my life I would like to reset. The first will be to work on my constant craving for sugary sweets. I’m not choosey any gummy, chocolate or pastry will go in my mouth. So my first goal will be to eliminate these goodies that aren’t good for my health or my pant size. At the same time I will increase my water intake.

I have been giving my art and creative process some thought over the last month. I know that I would like to broaden the techniques I use at the same time lean towards my finished items having a more arty feel. Resetting my mind set in regards to my art seems like a good way to think about my recent experiences in the lack of sales I have had this fall. I don’t have a plan yet I do have some ideas and techniques that I would like to try and follow the process to see what develops.

One last area I would like to reset is my very casual employment. I am fortunate that I can work on call as it fits my life. My wonderful mother has made herself available two days a week to be with my son so I can work. I discovered this fall that being a parent has impacted how I feel about working in the school setting. This is a profession I have worked in for almost 20 years. I now feel that public school does not treat our children as individuals and schools have a feeling of being in a factory. Even though I no longer believe in the public school system I will be working more this year. I am now considering sending my son to Montessori preschool a day or two a week and in order for my son to attend preschool I will need to bring in some funds to pay for his attendance. I will find a way to reset my thoughts about working in my profession. I am aware I will only need to work a few days a month and I believe that I can reframe my thinking and once again feel confident in my abilities at work.

For 2013 I am going to focus on the word reset and see where I am led. The word reset popped into my head a few nights ago and it feels like I am headed in the right direction. Happy New Year to all!

Between My Ears (Volume 1)

I have been pondering this blog post and several others with the same title. Often at night as I lay down to sleep I find myself writing what seems to be a great blog post. Morning comes and I am leading the life of a mom with a wonderful 2.5 year old son. Evening comes again and I haven’t written that post and the ideas are gone. Last night I had a little fantasy of going to a coffee shop and sipping on my Chai Latte and writing a blog post you guessed right, that dreamy date with myself didn’t happen.
Now I have lost my focus my son woke up and I’m getting really tired so whatever witty thoughts I wanted to share have vanished for now. That is until I lay down to sleep and the cycle repeats the next day.

Self Portrait

 

A friend of mine recently created a Facebook page to share pictures of ourselves and explore who we are through self portraiture. Initially I filled my brain with excuses why I don’t want to participate yet in between those thoughts  I had a nagging doubt that I really do need to take pictures of myself instead of taking pictures of my son, our environment and my art. The idea behind taking self portraits is to come to a better understanding of who we are as individuals. I have seen other blogs and sites touting the benefits of self portraiture and I always thought ya that’s a good idea…for you. Thanks to Erin of It's Ok for the encouragement to get out of my own way and to not view this as a big project.

This morning with those nagging thoughts hanging out between my ears I picked up the camera and found the batteries were with out energy so I quickly replaced the battery and set the camera on the kitchen counter while I showered and dressed and my son peaked into the shower interrupting my thoughts. As I dressed I could see the camera taunting me…just do it just take the picture. Its only a picture not life altering moment.

I picked up the camera and took several pictures and now as I looked through them trying to edit the light and background a little I’m not satisfied with any of them yet I am going to share this one.