Getting stuck in the details

Yes, I admit it I got stuck in the details of the first challenge of the Mindful parenting collaboration. I didn't move past determining what my current values are. I would still like to write a mission statement for myself some times soon. There is a chance I was over thinking what I needed to do and because of that I felt overwhelmed with the weight of creating a mission statement.

What I did work was writing down my values and answering a few questions.

What do you feel called to do and to be?
Be a wonderful mother to my son

What are you passionate about?
Being a mother and allowing time to be creative

What were you passionate about before you had kids?
Creating with clay at first I included my job but husband pointed out that this really wasn't true

What are two strengths that you have? >
creativity, organization

How could you use these two strengths?
Organization helps keep a tidy home and creativity brings fun and art into our lives

How does your homemaking and raising a beautiful family fit into doing something for the rest of the world?
The way I raise my son impacts the world because of how he lives in the world now and in the future. My homemaking affects the world when I am dedicated to recyling.composting and making wise choices in our attitudes about consumption and commercialization

What are the things you model for your children that you are most proud of?
Organization, fun, joy, calm

If you had to name three things that are your top values, what would they be?
family, organization, creativity (I found narrowing down these 3 words very difficult it took my several hours)

As I went through and searched for my answers to these questions I also chatted with my husband about the questions and what his responses would be. I enjoyed those conversations a lot.

In the past I have taken time for meditation and yoga I enjoy both of these activities but at present don't do of them. So over the last 4 days I have been trying to breath a little more and felt better for it. That sums up my inner work for this week.

Intial Reflections on Mindful Parenting Collaboration #1

I anticipated that taking part in Mindful parenting Collaboration was going to be challenging. What I didn't foresee was that the sense that my logical brain has atrophied in the 18 months since I last worked outside the home at my money earning job. Last night I started to read online about how values are defined or explained. I searched for some  information and I read it over and over before it felt like it sinking in. Following some of the links posted over on  It's Ok I began to get a grip on how values are defined. To me "values" has always seemed complicated or difficult to comprehend what the word really means. Then I jumped over to The parenting passageway and found a list of questions to answer and that answering these questions would help guide my journey on this inner work. (I see now that these same questions are also shared on It's Ok that just shows I am going to be re reading things many times) I am currently struggling to answer these questions.

I suspect this sense of  atrophy that is going on between my ears isn't going to go away but it is certainly going to get a jump start participating in this great project.

Ditching Sugar

In mid September I started to think about how much junk food and by that I mean candy and chips I was  consuming all to0 often. I rarely eat fast food like burgers,french fries already and I am not a pop drinker. The more I thought about  it and became really aware of the junk I was eating I realized that it was time to change that behaviour. I read a little bit about decreasing sugar from my diet and knew that I could do it.

On October 1st I stopped eating chips and candy. I know that I could also cut out white pasta and rice but I  decided to focus solely on the chips and candy for this month. I am happy to say that I have done extremely well. I did eat a small piece of home made chocolate cake on Thanksgiving and this week my hormones have been a little off balance so I have had a couple small sweets. As an additional bonus I have lost about 8 pounds just buy cutting out candy and chips.

Jumping in with heart and mind

I am going to explore my thoughts around how I parent Saylor with the blog It's Ok and Mccrenshaw blog together they are hosting a Mindful-parenting-collaboration . I am going to participate in this project. I am feeling reluctant and aprehensive about participating in the collaboration. I think the feelings are coming from the unknown. What am I going to learn about myself? What am I going to learn about becoming a better mother to Saylor? I am also applying extra pressure to myself because although its not a requirement I am going to write about my experiences with the challenges issued during this collaboration. Knowing that I am going to document the challenges here makes me feel more accountable in my participation of the Mindful-parenting-collaboration . The collaboration starts on October 21 and will explore 20 different topics.

All right there it is out in the universe. I am going to enjoy it.

Parenting with my instincts

While I was expecting I didn't read any baby books or parenting books. I did read many blogs and reasearched many different topics online including cloth diapering and breastfeeding. After Saylor arrived I quickly realized that anything I may have read was a vague guideline at best. What I needed to do was follow my heart and my instincts and so far following my feelings has served me extremly well. Recently I have started to read an amazing blog Peaceful Parenting that discusses how to be a peacful parent. This blog has really opened my mind to other options that I have as a parent. Its a well written blog and full of great information. The second blog that I have been following is Play at Home Mom I have been truly inspired by this blog! The blog has several contributors and they write about activities that they do with their children. They even show things to do with very young children under a year old. (I'm not going to go into the details contained in each blog. They are both full of so much information it would be silly for me to re write it here)

Today I took the risk and introduced Saylor to glue and coloured sand. We started with drizzling glue on some heavy card stock. In advance I had put the coloured sand in a shaker (from a barbeque rub) and we shook the sand onto the glue. After a few shakes Saylor tried to get the lid off the shaker he wasn't able to so I did it for him. He promptly dumped the sand all over the paper and into the baking sheet. He enjoyed dumping the sand so much that we did this over and over.
I would have never taken the chance of showing Saylor glue with out the influence of the Play at Home Mom . I know that following my motherly instincts has been a wonderful thing and I only doubt myself when others question why I am doing something. I am grateful that I have found some wonderful information to add to my parenting tool box and I know Saylor will benefit immensly from my learning.

I say I a little too often

I have made an observation about myself recently and its a little disturbing. I have noticed when chatting with another mom that as they are relaying a recent experience with their child that I interject myself and I feel some how compelled to contribute my experiences in relation to what they are speaking about. Later when I replay the conversation it seems to me that I am being a little rude and awfully self centered. I am aware that I am doing this but I also don't seem to be able to just listen, take in the conversation and leave it at that. I wonder why this is? Am I a little too isolated? Maybe I do need more interactions with other moms. Does any one else find themselves doing the same thing?

Finding Myself

I think just recently over the last couple of weeks I can finally feel the deep hazy fog rolling away from my brain. My son is 16 months old and I didn't suffer from post partum depression that I could define. I was able to care for myself and my son. I was able to lead my life but what I didn't have was a clarity in my mind. I think some of that mental fog can be attributed to sleep deprivation and the stunning reality of being a mother. I now love being a mother and all of the minute details that encompass the experiences. I often feel as if I am following my "gut" or my "heart" most of the time and my brain lags behind trying to catch up. This lack of control leaves me with a sense that I'm floating through each day on auto pilot. I could compare it to a ship at sea and there is no one at the wheel steering the ship. This sense of being in a fog each and every day was near impossible to describe to anyone. Now that the fog is lifting I wonder what it is that has changed. Maybe some of it is more adult conversation and maybe some of it is just the passing of time. What I do know is that I'm glad the constant fog is lifting and I'm starting to feel more like myself.

Loosing myself in Motherhood

May 13 2011(I originally wrote this on another blog and have moved it here)
I have had this blog post in my head for several days and even written it a few times in my head at night as I'm laying in bed trying to get to sleep. Now that I have a few mintues to write as Saylor snoozes beside me I'm at a loss for words but I will try to convey my thoughts any way.

Recently I read a post on another blog and the author spoke about needing time for herself to do some of the things she loves to do but hasn't had time over the last year as she has has a young son who is a month or two older then Saylor. Her conclusion was to find a spot in a local day care for her son a couple mornings a week. I think the author is very strong to recongize her needs and at the same time she knows she will be a better parent if she meets some of her own needs.

This post caused me to think and ponder my own needs. As most mother's new we make sacrifices to meet the needs of our child (children). Personally I am missing the time to create and work with polymer clay ( http://www.vanessasclayadventures.blogspot.com/ ) Creating with clay has been a big part of my life for more then 5 years now. Now I rarely have time to walk into my studio never mind have time to work and be focused at the same time. I think I am all right with where I am at in my life at the moment. I know the time will come when Saylor is a little older and can play on his own or not need me so much. When that time comes I want to know that I spent as much time cuddling and caring for him as he wants each day.

The time will come again soon that I can work with clay and create as much as I want. In the mean time I am soaking in every giggle and tear that Saylor shares with me. In no way do I think less of the above poster I wrote about. In fact I admire her strength in acknowledging what works for her and her family.